Curse #54 - Unexpected Milestones

As a mother, there are those milestones in our children's lives that we know are coming; their first steps, their first day of school, their first car.  As tough as these milestones can be on a mother's heart, we know these milestones are coming, and we can properly prepare.

 However, there are some milestones that a mother can't see coming, and can't prepare. Next thing she knows, she feels like a mack truck ran over her heart smushing it into a million tiny little pieces and she still has to keep going on like nothing has happened.

What?

Is my analogy a little strong?

Well, I had one of those unexpected milestones last week, and that's exactly how it felt.

Last week, we celebrated B's eighth birthday with his traditional birthday week.  (Yes, every person in our family gets an entire birthday week.  Yes, my future daughters-in-laws are going to hate me.)

For the past six years, B and I have a tradition of going to the Choo Choo Barn on B's actual birthday. (You can read about how that started here.)

The night before the big event, I asked Brandon, "Guess where we are going tomorrow and dad gets to go with us this year too!?!"

He replied, "uhhh, where Mom?"

What? That was odd! We've been to the Choo Choo Barn every year since he was three and suddenly he, who has an excellent memory, forgets that fact! And you know what else was odd! B hadn't even reminded me we were going all week. In fact, he hadn't said a word about the Choo Choo Barn, and he always drives me crazy reminding me about it every year.

Oblivious to his subtle hints, I told him, "C'mon crazy! Where you and I go every year together. We are going to the Choo Choo Barn!!!" (You have to say the last three words in your best Oprah voice because that's how I said it.)

Not sharing in my excitement, he looked at me and said in the same tone of voice that my parents used when they told me my cat Frisky had been eaten by the neighbor's dog, "Awww Mom. I don't like trains anymore. I've grown up."

Honk! Hooooooooonk! Splat.

B tried to let me down easy, but his words hit like a mack truck to my heart.  I squeaked out, "Okay Baby...I mean Big Guy. We will think of something else to do."

With a big smile on his face, he said, "Thanks Mom," and he went back to watching tv like this monumental milestone didn't just happen.

Spontaneous tears erupted from my eyes.  I just couldn't control it.  Shad, who saw the whole thing, held my hand and chuckled as he said, "Poor Momma's heart."

Fortunately, B was still distracted by the tv and didn't see my whole meltdown. Even in my sadness, I was glad that he felt comfortable enough to tell me the truth, and I didn't want to make him feel bad for growing up.

Grateful for the tv distraction, I took the opportunity to slip out of the room, and started squallin' as soon as I made it to the kitchen.

If you are not familiar with southern vocabulary crying is a couple of tears, but squallin' is ugly crying.

Why did this bother me so much?

I just kept hearing his words over and over in my head, "Awww Mom. I don't like trains anymore. I've grown up."

Suddenly, I was in a spiral of sorrow that sounded a little like this...

Since when is he too grown up for anything besides drinking from a bottle and needing me to change his diaper?

As they approach manhood, boys to pull away from their moms in normal psychological development. Is this the beginning of that?

We had the best time last year. If only I had known it was our last!!!

Eight years old is only one year away from nine which is half way to eighteen.

Half way to adulthood!!!!!

When my squallin' had calmed down to a controllable sob, I decided I only had a few options to handle the situation.

 I could just force him to go. It is a tradition after all! However, the only thing more miserable than not going to the Choo Choo Barn would be going with a grumpy little...I mean grown up....boy.

 I could rebrand the trip. Choo Choo does sound a little babyish. The same trip to the Choo Choo Barn followed by the Petting Zoo and Candy Store with a different, more mature sound may win him over.

"Hey Brandon, do you want to go to the Model Train Agricultural Community? Afterwards, we can go observe some billy goats and get some coffee."

That plan almost worked, but I knew he wouldn't agree to the traditional "sit in the big train and act like a conductor" picture, and then we would be back to the same he's grown up problem again.

The last option was that we just didn't go to the Choo Choo Barn this year.

As much as it stung, this was really my only option.

After processing the milestone for a few days, I realized why this hurt so much.  The Choo Choo Barn was my last bit of "four year old Brandon." The Brandon obsessed with tractors, trains, dirt, and the pair of rain boots that he wore every day for six months.  Four year old Brandon was sweet and fun, but I had to mourn him, let him go, and move on with Brandon today.



As B grows, I don't want to be a mom that freezes in her relationship with her child. I don't want him to grow up, and our only conversations are from years past and never in the present.  I want to know him as he is today. The eight year old who's still sweet and fun, but is now obsessed with books and Star Wars.

So that's just what I did.  Friday, we didn't go to the Choo Choo Barn, but we took a family day and still had lots of fun.

On Saturday, we were all supposed to go to Star Wars Day at a local children's museum for Brandon's Birthday Adventure.  The night before the adventure, Shad said, "Colli hates people in costumes.  Why don't you just take Brandon by yourself."

This was not a man trying to weasle his way out of an activity.  This was a man that knew his wife well and knew exactly what she needed, and that's one of the many reasons I love that man so.

Shad was very right. Star Wars Day with Brandon was so good for my hurt heart.

Although there wasn't a single train in sight, Star Wars Day felt an awful lot like the Choo Choo Barn.

There was still a little...I mean grown up... birthday boy obsessed with his favorite thing.

And there was still a mom that loves that grown up boy so much she loves his favorite thing too.

And that mom occasionally embarrassed that grown up boy.

Someday I'm sure B will tell me, "Awww Mom. I don't like Star Wars anymore. I've grown up," and I will probably squall all over again as that mack truck barrels straight into my heart.

Next time though, I will know that although his interests and hobbies may change as he grows, our connection and love must stay the same. That knowledge really is what got me out of the spiral of sorrow.

Wellllllll, that knowledge and one more thing....

Guess who's going to the Choo Choo Barn on his birthday this year!!!

I figure I can get four more years of trips out of him.

Blessing #226 - Brandon Turns Eight

Brandon, 

You're eight!!!! Can you believe it? Sure you can! You've been talking about it for months, but as much as you reminded me I always feel surprised when your birthday rolls around. 

Eight. 

How in the world can you be eight?  

It feels like I just recovered from you having colic your first six months, and now you're eight.  

This year has been such a big year for you.  You've grown so much physically and mentally.  You just seem to be becoming a young man.  

One of my favorite conversations we had this year was about tattoos. You love tattoos.  Soon after you turned seven, you got an airbrush tattoo, and refused to wash your arm.  I'm not kidding.  For a week, you stuck your arm out of the shower curtain every time you took a shower.  You were committed to this tattoo!

One day, you had about five temporary tattoos on, and you started talking about getting a real tattoo when you were older.  

Now, I know you well enough to know that if I say, "NO YOU WON'T!" that later, you absolutely will, and besides I don't really mind tattoos. I might even get my own in a few years (shh don't tell Poppy). I did say tell you that a tattoo is permanent. You want to wait until you are older and know you want something on you for forever. 

You thought for a second, "I love Star Wars." 

I replied, "Yes, but you used to love hunting and tractors and what if you had gotten a tattoo of that?"

You didn't argue, but thought for a second and asked, "Does a tattoo hurt?"

I answered, "Remember when you got your flu shot? Well, every dot of color in a tattoo is like getting a shot."

After hearing that, you said in a very grow up voice, "Well, I need to strike that from my life list." 

I couldn't help but laugh and then asked you what else was on your life list. I think you mentioned getting married to your "girlfriend" first. That was just one of many funny conversations we had.  From the time you were a toddler, talking to you has felt like talking to a very small old man.  You are just so sensible and quick witted.   

We've also had many fun moments together this year.  Out of all the moments from your seventh year, my favorite moment happened when we were visiting Mimi and Poppy in Georgia. While we were down there, you learned to ride a bike! Soon after learning, you and I would ride around the subdivision together. 

Riding bicycles with you was a full circle moment for me.  Many of my happiest childhood memories were on a bike riding through that subdivision. To ride those same roads and to make brand new memories there with you was a really big, meaningful moment for me. 

One day, we were riding bikes with your cousins from Alabama.  Being your mom, I could tell you were frustrated that they were faster than you, but c'mon! You had only been riding bikes for a week! Give yourself some slack!  

Anyway, I could tell you were frustrated, but you decided to play it off.  As you peddled to the back of the pack to me, you told your cousins, "Y'all go ahead. I'm just going to hang back here.  I just want to spend some time with my Mom."  Seriously!?! Bulling your way out of something is one of your gifts.  You are so good at bulling, I wouldn't be surprised if you become a salesman, a politician....or a conman.  .  

Even though I knew "hanging with my Mom" was just your cover, I didn't mind, and enjoyed the time with you.  As your cousins rode ahead, you and I peddled and talked.  Somewhere in that conversation, you turned to me and said, "I'm really glad I have a mom like you." 

You didn't say, 

"I'm glad I have a mom that can cook all sorts of baked goodies," 

"I'm glad I have a mom that irons my clothes perfectly," 

or "I'm glad I have a mom that keeps an immaculate house."

You just said, "I'm glad I have a mom like you." 

Brandon you just do not know how much your words meant to me.  That was simply the best compliment you could have ever given me.  

You see, earlier in the year, I decided to stop trying to be super mom.  

At the start of the year, I decided to stop feeling bad about the things I wasn't and to celebrate who I was.  I decided to believe that God gave me just the right strengths that you needed in a Mom, and to focus on those strengths. 

Your words that day were validation for me that I was on the right track.  

In the moment, I told you thank you and something kind back. In the moment, I didn't want to embarrass you by crying my eyes out, but I felt like it (and I did later).  

B-man, I'm really glad I have a son like you.

A son who gets obsessed with tractors, hunting, and now Star Wars

A son who loves tattoos

A son who has a stubborn streak and a strong will

A son who has seemingly infinite energy

A son who has a huge heart that sees peoples needs

B, thank you for your words that bike ride. I will remember them forever. 

I love you so much. Thank you for being crazy awesome you, and thank you for letting me come along for the ride.  

I'm really glad I have a son like you, 

Mom

 

Blessing #223 - The Reading Nook Bench

Friday, I shared how we are making over the boys rooms for the Christmas present.

What?

It's January and we are still working on their Christmas present?

I know. I know.

Anyway, we live in a house that is about 150 years old.  It's beautiful.  It's quaint, and sometimes it's a little crazy.

The boys rooms are side by side.  You have to walk through Collin's room to get to Brandon's room.  There's no actual door between their rooms, but a little landing.

This picture isn't really a before pic.  This picture was after I had cleaned out the area and painted it.

Originally, we had a cheap book shelf on that tall wall, but that didn't work at all so I boxed up the important books and gave the shelf to Goodwill.

Parenting Lesson Learned: Never put a bookshelf with precious keepsake memory books in a room alone with two little wild men.

The landing is kind of awkward.  Let me show you the other wall you can't see in the previous picture.

Yep, two doors on the same wall. Nope, they don't match. Yes, the one door is so high off the ground my entire dust pan can fit under it.  Like I said, 150 year old houses can be crazy, but isn't that one latchy door nob on the right just gorgeous!?!

Because the space was so awkward, I really didn't know if I was even going to do anything with it, but one day, B was talking to Shad about his hopes for the new room and said, "Dad, I would really like a place to read."

When Shad told me that, I said, "Wait! That's all I need to know!"

See, I am not only a math nerd, but I am also a book nerd.  I love, looooove, LoOoOoOoVe books, and I always have.

When I was in the sixth grade, I had a notebook where I kept record of all the books I read and I wrote little reviews of each book.  I still remember that I read 65 books that year.

What?

No, I was not very popular in middle school. Why do you ask?

Yes, I love books.  If Brandon showed the slightest interest in reading, I was going to run with that.

I asked my friend if she saw any ideas of book nooks on Pinterest to send them my way.  She then suggested me, "What about a crib mattress?"

I really didn't think it would fit, but the crib mattress was in the attic so I had to try.

Do you see it? No, not the dirt on the mattress. It fits. The mattress fits perfectly!!! I couldn't believe it! My friend that suggested it was my new hero!!!

I knew I would like to get the mattress off the ground, but I really didn't want to spend much money for a base.  Also, I needed a base that was movable if I needed to get into that door. When I told Shad about it, he suggested I use some plastic crates he had saved for me at his work.

I laid the crates out and realized it would take two rows of three crates, but fortunately, we had enough!

The crates were nice, but I really wanted them to be the same color so my good friend spray paint saved the day!

A while ago, my mother-in-law gave me a few cans of orange spray paint when it didn't work for a project.  Orange was a perfect splash of color for the book nook...especially free orange!

YaY! I found an awesome gray chevron crib sheet from Target for $15, and the pillow is from our living room that graduated to this space.

The blanket is a teal blanket from TJ Maxx for $15.

The crates are attached to each other with zip ties.  The crate base probably isn't strong enough to support two adults, but for two little boys, the crates work.

B was so thrilled with the bench! When we loaded the books into the crates, B said, "I am putting my fiction books in this crate, and my non-fiction books in the other crate."

I don't think I've even been prouder.  I almost said, "Yeah! Great idea! Do you want to use the dewey decimal system or the library of congress system?" I reigned in my nerdiness though and just gave him a big kiss.

As thrilled as I was with the crates, I knew it needed one more step.

A pop of polka dot fabric! I wanted a pin dot, but Hobby Lobby didn't have it. This big dot works though.

The fabric was about $4.  The orange pillow is a pillow cover from Hobby Lobby that I used a 40% off coupon to make it about $4 or $5. Again, I used another pillow from our living room that was getting a little old to fill the pillow cover.

Suddenly, what was an awkward, wasted space, is now my new favorite space in the whole house!

The view out the window is gorgeous! I really wanted to space to feel magical like a special little hang out just for the boys.

I am just loving this bench and reading nook!

And so are the boys!

All the pictures of the bench perfectly styled are pretty, but I love this picture most of all.

This is how, I've been finding the bench every morning piled with B's sleeping bag, stuffed animals, dinosaur book, and a flash light. B has been falling asleep there every night, and I couldn't be happier.

If you are keeping track, the total spent on this bench was...

crib sheet $15
blanket $15
fabric $4
foam core board (to put fabric on) $3
pillow cover $5
TOTAL $42

The Reading Nook is not done yet.  I still have to dress the walls, and I might do something fun with the ceiling.

I just love that a wasted, awkward space is being filled with many supplies I already had to make something magical!

Blessing #217 - School Command Center

When B came home from his first day of school, I almost broke out into hives when I opened up his folder filled with school papers. School papers make me nervous.  Why?

One day last year, I dropped B off at school only to see every other kid carrying a stuffed animal.  I had forgotten it was "stuffed animal day" and I had to rush home and get B's monkey. I must have misplaced that paper.

Last year during parent teacher conferences, I walked in for my conference only to find out I was five hours early! Fortunately, B's teacher was very understanding, and just laughed and worked me into the schedule.  I don't know what happened to the paper with my appointment date.

On the first day of school this year, I had to send a note to let his teacher know that I was picking B up from school. I couldn't find a single sheet of paper so I sent the note on a paper towel.  That's right! I was trying to set her expectations low.

For all those reasons, I kind of freaked out at the sight of the first school papers.  I knew I had to do something different this year.

Determined to change, I decided to turn this little corner into a school command center.

Yes, my poor little "it's August but my calendar says March" corner would be perfect for a school command center.

Here is the finished corner....

I love, LoOoOoVe, LOOOVE it!

Here is the breakdown.

1. I have had this L for forever, and finally found just the right spot for it!

2. The most important thing I wanted in the school command center was a place for school papers. After the success of clip boards for my kid's art display, I decided to try them for school papers too.

This clip board is where I put papers that I can't sign immediately or paper with important dates on them.

3. This clip board is for store coupons that we are always losing. Guess who is going to get a free mini candle from Bath and Body Works this weekend? Me! Because I didn't lose the coupon!

4. I used a pocket just like the one I used for lunch box notes for notes to the teacher.  B's school sends home forms to speak with the teacher, and now I'll actually know where they are! No more paper towel stationary! I added a little vinyl to the clip boards and the pocket just to make things clear.

Wait! While I'm on the subject of my labeling obsession, you have to see this.  Because Shad drinks sweet tea and I drink unsweet tea, our fridge can get a little confusing.  So I labeled the tea pitchers.

I know that was random, but I just had to share.

Back to the school command center.

5. I knew I wanted to put a sign in that spot, but I didn't know just what I wanted to say.  With this being right as you walk out of the house, I thought "Be Awesome Today" was perfect.

6. My calendar says September now! I don't quite know how I want to work that calendar yet.  I'm thinking about using washi tape.

7. A command hook holds our library bag.  That is a thirty-one bag that I painted using this method.

It turned out great.

8. B's book bag is not heavy with books so a command hook is perfect to hold it on the wall.

The corner is a little crowded, and if it was in my main living space, I probably wouldn't like it.  However, this is in the mud room, and we mainly walk right through the mud room.

So far, the little school command center is working great for us. I haven't broken out into school paper hives, and I haven't missed an important day yet. A few hooks and command strips have brought a lot of peace to our school day mornings.

Note: I am sharing this project with A Bowl Full of Lemons. and I Heart Organizing.
 

Curse #53 - Sometimes a Mother Can't Win

Ever since Brandon started first grade, he has said every morning, "I don't want to go to school.  I want to stay with you." His behavior really alarmed me because he loved school last year.

Every morning after his complaining, I would ask him, "Is someone being mean to you? Isn't your teacher great?" He told me he liked his teacher and everyone was nice to him, "but Mommy, I just want to be with you!!!"

At first, I didn't believe him.  I even asked his teacher about it. Surely, the problem was more complex than just missing me, but then I remembered our summer.  This summer, I had a different activity for us every day.

It was busy and tiring, but we really had a great summer.  We enjoyed the time we had together and tried to make the most of it.

However, as great as our summer was, I realized as the case is often in motherhood, YOU CAN'T WIN!

We had such a great summer, but now, B thinks I do that kind of stuff every day and he doesn't want to go to school! No matter how many times I tell him that was just for the summer, he just doesn't believe me. I've always been careful when he asks me what I am doing while he is at school. The answer is always the most boring activity in the world to Brandon, "Cleaning the house." Unfortunately, he sees the house when he comes home so he's not believing me.

Yesterday morning, B was particularly upset on the way to school. I had had enough mornings of this and lectured him on choosing his focus, but the lecture didn't work. When we got to school, he was even more upset. "I just don't want to leave you!"

After many tears and theatrics, the truth finally came out as B cried, "I saw pictures of you and Collin on the ipad that you took without me!!!"

What?

Yes, the iPad sold me out.

Here are the pictures he found...

I tried to console him, "B we weren't anywhere fun. We were just in the kitchen. I was 'cleaning' and Collin walked in and asked to take a picture." But it was no use because B continued to cry, "But you took the pictures without ME!"

Stunned, I look at him and said, "Well, then that's an easy solution. When you get home from school today, you and I will take some pictures together."

AND THAT WAS IT! THAT WORKED!

He dried up his tears and walked into school happy that we would take some pictures after school.

As soon as he got home, we took our silly selfies with our best funny faces.

My Level 1 Funny Face - It's funny, but still manages to make my face look slim.

 Level 2 Funny Face - It still looks cute, but not as flattering

Level 3 Funny Face - When the neck wrinkles start to show up, it's getting serious

Level 4 Funny Face - Buck Teeth and neck wrinkles....almost there.

Level 5 Funny Face - You lose all sense of looking good, and just go for it. I'm going for the squinty chipmunk look while B is going for the exorcism look.

I really hope this "I don't want to go to school" thing is just a phase because I feel like I have run an emotional marathon before 9:00 am every day. If it doesn't next summer we are just sitting in the house all day every day, and he will be so happy to go back to school.

Sometimes I wish motherhood came with an instruction manual, but in real life I just have to know my child, do my best, and delete all incriminating pictures off the iPad.

And just to be fair....

After B and I  finished our silly pictures, Collin got in on the fun and tried B's signature exorcist face.

But just when it started getting sweet, Colli tried to push B out of the way with his head. (Those are my "the boys are driving me crazy" eyes)

Then B had to fight back.

Ahh motherhood! Sometimes you just can't win.