Blessing #223 - The Reading Nook Bench

Friday, I shared how we are making over the boys rooms for the Christmas present.

What?

It's January and we are still working on their Christmas present?

I know. I know.

Anyway, we live in a house that is about 150 years old.  It's beautiful.  It's quaint, and sometimes it's a little crazy.

The boys rooms are side by side.  You have to walk through Collin's room to get to Brandon's room.  There's no actual door between their rooms, but a little landing.

This picture isn't really a before pic.  This picture was after I had cleaned out the area and painted it.

Originally, we had a cheap book shelf on that tall wall, but that didn't work at all so I boxed up the important books and gave the shelf to Goodwill.

Parenting Lesson Learned: Never put a bookshelf with precious keepsake memory books in a room alone with two little wild men.

The landing is kind of awkward.  Let me show you the other wall you can't see in the previous picture.

Yep, two doors on the same wall. Nope, they don't match. Yes, the one door is so high off the ground my entire dust pan can fit under it.  Like I said, 150 year old houses can be crazy, but isn't that one latchy door nob on the right just gorgeous!?!

Because the space was so awkward, I really didn't know if I was even going to do anything with it, but one day, B was talking to Shad about his hopes for the new room and said, "Dad, I would really like a place to read."

When Shad told me that, I said, "Wait! That's all I need to know!"

See, I am not only a math nerd, but I am also a book nerd.  I love, looooove, LoOoOoOoVe books, and I always have.

When I was in the sixth grade, I had a notebook where I kept record of all the books I read and I wrote little reviews of each book.  I still remember that I read 65 books that year.

What?

No, I was not very popular in middle school. Why do you ask?

Yes, I love books.  If Brandon showed the slightest interest in reading, I was going to run with that.

I asked my friend if she saw any ideas of book nooks on Pinterest to send them my way.  She then suggested me, "What about a crib mattress?"

I really didn't think it would fit, but the crib mattress was in the attic so I had to try.

Do you see it? No, not the dirt on the mattress. It fits. The mattress fits perfectly!!! I couldn't believe it! My friend that suggested it was my new hero!!!

I knew I would like to get the mattress off the ground, but I really didn't want to spend much money for a base.  Also, I needed a base that was movable if I needed to get into that door. When I told Shad about it, he suggested I use some plastic crates he had saved for me at his work.

I laid the crates out and realized it would take two rows of three crates, but fortunately, we had enough!

The crates were nice, but I really wanted them to be the same color so my good friend spray paint saved the day!

A while ago, my mother-in-law gave me a few cans of orange spray paint when it didn't work for a project.  Orange was a perfect splash of color for the book nook...especially free orange!

YaY! I found an awesome gray chevron crib sheet from Target for $15, and the pillow is from our living room that graduated to this space.

The blanket is a teal blanket from TJ Maxx for $15.

The crates are attached to each other with zip ties.  The crate base probably isn't strong enough to support two adults, but for two little boys, the crates work.

B was so thrilled with the bench! When we loaded the books into the crates, B said, "I am putting my fiction books in this crate, and my non-fiction books in the other crate."

I don't think I've even been prouder.  I almost said, "Yeah! Great idea! Do you want to use the dewey decimal system or the library of congress system?" I reigned in my nerdiness though and just gave him a big kiss.

As thrilled as I was with the crates, I knew it needed one more step.

A pop of polka dot fabric! I wanted a pin dot, but Hobby Lobby didn't have it. This big dot works though.

The fabric was about $4.  The orange pillow is a pillow cover from Hobby Lobby that I used a 40% off coupon to make it about $4 or $5. Again, I used another pillow from our living room that was getting a little old to fill the pillow cover.

Suddenly, what was an awkward, wasted space, is now my new favorite space in the whole house!

The view out the window is gorgeous! I really wanted to space to feel magical like a special little hang out just for the boys.

I am just loving this bench and reading nook!

And so are the boys!

All the pictures of the bench perfectly styled are pretty, but I love this picture most of all.

This is how, I've been finding the bench every morning piled with B's sleeping bag, stuffed animals, dinosaur book, and a flash light. B has been falling asleep there every night, and I couldn't be happier.

If you are keeping track, the total spent on this bench was...

crib sheet $15
blanket $15
fabric $4
foam core board (to put fabric on) $3
pillow cover $5
TOTAL $42

The Reading Nook is not done yet.  I still have to dress the walls, and I might do something fun with the ceiling.

I just love that a wasted, awkward space is being filled with many supplies I already had to make something magical!

Blessing #220 - Collin Turns Three

Dear Collin,

Today you turn three! Just like when you were born, turned one, and turned two, today I am writing you a birthday letter. A birthday letter just lets you know a little bit about who you are today and just how much I love you!

This year was HuGe! Honestly, I seriously believe you skipped the toddler phase and went straight from baby to big boy.  Of course, my mommy goggles could have just messed with my perspective.

This year you have also come out of your shell.  You are friendlier, fun, and loud, really loud....like so loud we are thinking about having your hearing checked.

This is the first year, you've really understood what a birthday is.  You've been telling us for a month, "My birfday's tomin' up!" For a week, you have been breaking out into "Happy Birthday to Collin." You told a stranger tonight, "Tomorrow's my birfday. I turn three. I so 'cited!"

For this birthday letter, I wanted to share an important moment from this year. This moment is not my favorite moment, but it is definitely an important moment you should hear.

After your accident, you spent almost three days on a ventilator under anesthesia. The moment came for you to be woken up and taken off the ventilator, and it did not go so good.  In fact, it went terrible.

You tried to scream but you had no voice.

You would just open your mouth with tears running down your face.

Even though you had been in a hospital bed for a few days, you were FrEaKiShLy strong! It took five nurses, the doctor, Shad, and I to hold you down.

After about thirty minutes of struggling, the doctor told us that we might have to put you back under anesthesia and on the ventilator. Knowing how serious that was, Shad asked the doctor to give you just a few more minutes.

All through this episode, I had been holding your feet, but by this point I just couldn't take it anymore.  You were my baby, and you were hurting. I didn't have a medical degree, but...

 I knew I was pregnant with your before the pregnancy test could even tell me.

I felt you kick and hiccup as I carried you for nine months.

I watched you take your first breath.

I heard your first cry.

I cut your first curls (against your dad's wishes).

I kissed your boo boos.

I cheered for every milestone.

I prayed as we rushed you to the emergency room.

I held you as you struggled for breath right before they put you on the ventilator.

No, I was not a doctor, but I was your mother.

Without asking anyone, I moved up to your head, rubbed your hair, and sang your favorite song in your ear. Within a minute, you stopped fighting, stopped screaming, and started breathing.

It was one of the most magical moments of my life.

With tears streaming down my face with an exhausted and weak voice, I continued to sing your song.  When some specialist came in to give you a test, the doctor said, "Do what you need to do, but his mother stays where she is."

After an hour, we breathed a sigh of relief when the doctor told us that you were going to stay off the ventilator.  As she left the room, she looked at me and said, "All he needed was his mother."

After your accident, I lost all confidence as a mom as I struggled with guilt, but in that moment, God used that doctor to remind me of who I am and what he has called me to do.

After we came home from the hospital and I struggled with guilt and jumpy nerves, I kept going back to her words, "All he needed was his mother."

Collin, I'm not perfect, but I know God has made me just for you and you just for me.  There is no one better suited to be your mother than me.

There have been days since the accident that I have had to remind myself of that.

Collin, I realize that 3 isn't one of the "big birthdays," but this is such a big birthday to your dad and I.  We were there during your accident. We know how close you came.  We know if a few details were changed how different the outcome could be.

That's why this day, this birthday is so special to us.  

I love you little man.  I'm so happy to wish you the happiest of birthdays, and I will gladly sing loud and proud every time you break out into "Happy Birthday" today.

Love,
your Mom

Blessing 218 - Fall Bucket List

A couple of weeks ago, I shared our Summer Bucket List.  We had so much fun trying to cross things off that list so we had to make a Fall Bucket List.

I looked for a few chalkboard bucket list on pinterest, but I really didn't find the look I wanted for my pantry.  Thursday, I took a little time for myself, and just started drawing.

I knew I wanted a tree, and I really liked the placement of the title. However, I decided to take this one all the way to the ceiling.

Once I got to this point, I decided I wanted to add a little color.  I used sidewalk chalk to add some red leaves, and highlighted them with a little yellow.

It was really nice to start and not really know where I was going to end up.  It was very relaxing to be creative in this way.  (I realize that sounds a little weird, but I'm one of those people that needs to be creative to be happy.)

Yesterday, I was trying to get some pictures of the bucket list when I heard some shuffling feet across my kitchen floor.

Now it's been a while since he's done this but....

Boom! Photo Bombed!

In case you can't read because of Collin, the items on our bucket list are...

1. boiled peanuts- They don't sell them around here, but I can make some.

2. apple cider

3. apple picking

4. camp fire

5. jumping in a pile of leaves (Brandon added that one)

6. hay ride

7. Operation Christmas Child

8. caramel apples

9. put pumpkins on the porch

10. trick or treat

We might not get all these items crossed off, but we are going to have a lot of fun trying!

What's on your list? I'd love to hear!
 

Curse #53 - Sometimes a Mother Can't Win

Ever since Brandon started first grade, he has said every morning, "I don't want to go to school.  I want to stay with you." His behavior really alarmed me because he loved school last year.

Every morning after his complaining, I would ask him, "Is someone being mean to you? Isn't your teacher great?" He told me he liked his teacher and everyone was nice to him, "but Mommy, I just want to be with you!!!"

At first, I didn't believe him.  I even asked his teacher about it. Surely, the problem was more complex than just missing me, but then I remembered our summer.  This summer, I had a different activity for us every day.

It was busy and tiring, but we really had a great summer.  We enjoyed the time we had together and tried to make the most of it.

However, as great as our summer was, I realized as the case is often in motherhood, YOU CAN'T WIN!

We had such a great summer, but now, B thinks I do that kind of stuff every day and he doesn't want to go to school! No matter how many times I tell him that was just for the summer, he just doesn't believe me. I've always been careful when he asks me what I am doing while he is at school. The answer is always the most boring activity in the world to Brandon, "Cleaning the house." Unfortunately, he sees the house when he comes home so he's not believing me.

Yesterday morning, B was particularly upset on the way to school. I had had enough mornings of this and lectured him on choosing his focus, but the lecture didn't work. When we got to school, he was even more upset. "I just don't want to leave you!"

After many tears and theatrics, the truth finally came out as B cried, "I saw pictures of you and Collin on the ipad that you took without me!!!"

What?

Yes, the iPad sold me out.

Here are the pictures he found...

I tried to console him, "B we weren't anywhere fun. We were just in the kitchen. I was 'cleaning' and Collin walked in and asked to take a picture." But it was no use because B continued to cry, "But you took the pictures without ME!"

Stunned, I look at him and said, "Well, then that's an easy solution. When you get home from school today, you and I will take some pictures together."

AND THAT WAS IT! THAT WORKED!

He dried up his tears and walked into school happy that we would take some pictures after school.

As soon as he got home, we took our silly selfies with our best funny faces.

My Level 1 Funny Face - It's funny, but still manages to make my face look slim.

 Level 2 Funny Face - It still looks cute, but not as flattering

Level 3 Funny Face - When the neck wrinkles start to show up, it's getting serious

Level 4 Funny Face - Buck Teeth and neck wrinkles....almost there.

Level 5 Funny Face - You lose all sense of looking good, and just go for it. I'm going for the squinty chipmunk look while B is going for the exorcism look.

I really hope this "I don't want to go to school" thing is just a phase because I feel like I have run an emotional marathon before 9:00 am every day. If it doesn't next summer we are just sitting in the house all day every day, and he will be so happy to go back to school.

Sometimes I wish motherhood came with an instruction manual, but in real life I just have to know my child, do my best, and delete all incriminating pictures off the iPad.

And just to be fair....

After B and I  finished our silly pictures, Collin got in on the fun and tried B's signature exorcist face.

But just when it started getting sweet, Colli tried to push B out of the way with his head. (Those are my "the boys are driving me crazy" eyes)

Then B had to fight back.

Ahh motherhood! Sometimes you just can't win.

Blessing #208 - Clip Board Art Display

Yesterday, I shared the menu board that stayed on my kitchen wall for a grand total of two days.

Once I took the menu board down, I decided to make that a wall display for Brandon and Collin's art work.

Before B went to kindergarten, he never drew or colored anything.  He hated coloring with a passion.

Once before kindergarten, he colored me an awesome super hero picture out of the blue. Proudly, I placed his super hero masterpiece on the fridge. The next day, I asked him for another beautiful picture.  He handed me a picture of the Incredible Hawk scribbled all in red.  I asked him why he just scribbled and didn't color the Hulk.  "Oh! He was on fire." I just love being outsmarted by a six year old. After kindergarten started, B fell in love with drawing, and I love his creative side.

B's masterpieces need a better display than just our refrigerator....besides, I hate having stuff on my refrigerator.  For the art display, I started with a few clip boards.

Theeeeen, if you know me, you know what happened next. I painted them with chalkboard paint. I know. Shocker.

I hung them on the wall with some scotch picture hanging strips, and I loved the clean look.

At the top of the display, I put B's family portrait. I love how the chalkboard clip board lets me write the titles of B's drawings.

I also put up B's drawing of the bridge in our town.

And we couldn't forget to include one of Collin's masterpieces. Much to my dismay, Collin's favorite medium is the sharpie.

I also included a free printable I found at this website.  Last week, Walgreen's offered a free 8x10.  I love it when they do that because I always print out one of the printables from my free printables Pinterest board. 

The menu board was nice, but this art display is perfect for our family.

Ten points if you can find one of my favorite things that showed up in this picture.

  B loves that some of his art is on the walls.  It makes him see how much I value his creativity.  I can't wait to see the new master pieces he is going to make for me this year.

I am sharing this post with i heart organizing and A Bowl Full of Lemons.
 

Blessing #198 - Healing Up

Thank you so much for your kind words after Thursday's post.  Honestly, it was a rough day for me, and your words and comments meant so much.

One of the things that bothered me about the whole thing was, "How could people be so mean?"

Friday, as I was talking to a friend, I had a moment of clarity. You know an "aha moment" as Oprah would say.

When another mother hears about what happened to Collin, it is very scary to her even though Collin is not her child.  My friends that are mothers, all reacted very strongly when they learned of the accident.  As mothers, when we hear of something sad and scary happening to a child our knee jerk reaction is, "Wow that is sad and scary." Which is immediately followed by the thought, "Could that happen to my child?"

That thought, "Could that happen to my child?" is very scary for a mother.  It is a place where no mother wants to go.

The mothers that don't know me, don't allow themselves to go to that scary place.  Their knee jerk reaction is, "Wow that is sad and scary." Which is immediately followed by the thought, "That mother must be negligent and stupid."  That may sound mean, but by blaming the other mother, they protect themselves.

They think, "Of course, that could not happen to my child.  That was just a "bad mother" and I'm a "good mother" so I wouldn't let it happen. No, my child is safe, and that could never happen."

 By vilifying me, those mothers protect themselves from going to the place of, "Could this happen to my child?"

Does that make sense? It really helped me. As a mathematical person, my brain works step by step.  When I see a problem like, "How can other mothers be so mean," I have to solve it, and this solution works for me.

 That realization made me realize that their anger is not about me at all. They are just trying to protect themselves, and I can understand that.

Shad solution is just, "People say stupid things at stupid times because people are stupid."  Typical man, doesn't he know I have to analyze things!

If Collin's accident happened ten years ago, I would have handled very differently.  I probably would have written a post filled with Christian cliches, and just told myself to be strong because that's what people expect.

However over the past ten years, I have realized the importance of not hiding my feelings or just trying to be tough.  I have to process through things and not just stuff them down. In the long run, anger, fear, and sorrow always catch up to you if you don't deal with them, and they seem to have a way of growing when you don't deal with them.

Sometimes as Christians, we feel the need to be strong or make big displays of our faith in times of crisis.  However, I believe it's okay to be sad. It's okay to say, "This is tough," or "This stinks." If you don't believe me, just read the Psalms.  They are filled with David expressing his true heart to God, and sometimes it's not so pretty.

That's why when I first read the comments, I had no trouble admitting how much they bothered me, and how tough it has been dealing with Collin's accident.

This weekend, after my "aha moment," I could tell I was on the upswing.  My mother load of guilt started to lighten. It's just easier to talk or think about the accident, and my heart seems to be patching up!

Writing really helps me process through things. Thank you for listening. Thank you for not pushing me and giving me time to work through this. You don't know how much y'all have helped me through all this.

Blessing #195 - Lessons from the Accident

Collin,

Over the past two weeks, I have sat down to write a post about your accident many times, but I just couldn't get my words.  My heart is still a little sensitive and raw. Finally, I just decided to write a letter to you.

Someday, you will be older, and you will forget all about your accident and your time in the hospital (or so they tell me).  Someday, this will just be a story that we tell to you like how you always hold your gator tail side up, or like the time you hit the complete stranger in JoAnne's fabric. (Yes, you did that just last week, and I had to apologize for you.)

But for now, while it is fresh on my mind and my heart, I thought I would share a few lessons you could learn from your accident.....other than the fact that all doctors are now evil in your eyes.

1. Let people into your heart and life.

Now, I don't know what your personality will be when you grow up, but right now, you don't really like people.  That's okay! I was the same way when I was your age.  I didn't like anybody besides my mom.

As much as you may want to keep people at arms length, you really need them.  In a difficult time, you need people to come around you, love you, and help you through it.

While you were in the hospital, I felt scared, frustrated, guilty, and many other emotions, but one thing I never felt was lonely thanks to all of the kind words my friends sent me.

2. Your brother loves you very much.

As tough as he tries to be, and as cranky as he can be, Brandon really loves you.  He's the one that found you and ran and got Shad.  I saw the look on his face when I came home, he was so protective of you.  On Sunday, someone asked Brandon at church how he was doing and he said, "I'm just keeping a really close eye on my little brother."

There may be days when he doesn't act like it, but I can guarantee you, your brother loves you very much and you a very lucky boy to have him.

3. Your daddy loves you very much.

The second night we were in the hospital, I tried to get some sleep because I hadn't slept in two days.  Your dad, kept vigil over you all night with the nurse even though you were under anesthesia.

Everyone that walked in the room would tell him.  "You don't have to do this. No one does this." Shad told them that I wouldn't rest unless I knew you were taken care of, and that was true, but the real reason was he just loves you that much.

The very next night in the hospital, your dad went to the Ronald McDonald house to try to get some rest.  As soon as he left, you started screaming, "I want my Daddy!" Well you didn't really scream more like a loud whisper, it was just a few hours after you came off the ventilator and out of sedation, but you started to panic as soon as he left.

After twenty minutes, of "I want my daddy," I called Shad and told him what was happening.  Before I knew it and without me even asking, your dad came right back and spent the rest of the night with you and I.  He never complained and never acted like it was a big deal.  He figured you had been through enough, and if you needed him, he was there.

During your time in the hospital, I watched him stroke your hair and tell you he loved you.  In your worst episodes, when I was pacing at the end of the bed, your dad stood right beside you, holding your hand.

4. I love you very much. 

Oh Collin, I can hardly type those words without tearing up.  I always knew I was crazy about you, and I always knew I loved you, but I never really knew how deep my love was until your first night in the hospital.

On that first night, you had a few scary episodes making it the worst night of my life, by far.  If you had just stayed sedated, everything would have been fine.  However, you are such a fighter, and suddenly you would come out of sedation and try to get the breathing tube out.

During one of those episodes, I stood and watched helplessly as you turned purple.   It seemed like the world went in slow motion as the nurse tried to help you.  I turned around only to see the room flooded with doctors and nurses there to help.  In that moment, I think I forgot to breathe myself.

A few hours later, you did the same thing, but this time your heart rate dropped really low.  Again, the room flooded with doctors and nurses.  As I sat staring at the heart monitor praying for your heart rate to go back up, my own heart ached with in me.

The morning after that terrible night, I felt pain like I had never felt before. I felt nauseous. My whole body ached. I couldn't eat. Seeing you in so much pain and distress killed me.

Collin, that night I realized just how much my heart is tied to yours.

Since that night, I keep catching myself just staring at you and Brandon smiling, and whispering a prayer of thanks.  Even though your wild, rowdy, and loud, you are perfect just for me.  What a gift God gave me when he gave you boys to me.

Someday, you will grow up, and I might get on your nerves.  You might even think I am "uncool" (I know that sounds crazy doesn't it).  No matter what you may think about me someday, please never forget there is no one on this earth that loves you as much and as fiercely as I do.

5. God loves you.

This is what I hope you see the most through your accident, that God loves you.

As I sat on the ambulance taking you to the children's hospital, I was overwhelmed by God's love for me. I know that sounds like an odd time to feel God's love, but I really did.

In that moment, I realized that God was preparing me for this accident three months ago.  I've never had poison control's number, but the doctor made me put it in my phone in December.  In that ambulance, God seemed to whisper in my heart, "I was with you in December and I am with you now."

There are so many other little things where I believe God was preparing the way for me even before I knew what was going to happen.

Colls, someday, when you are ready, I pray that you will come to know God.  Not that you would just ask God to save you, but that you would seek to have a relationship with Him too.  I want you to have more than just church, religion, and rules, I want you to have God and His love.

There are going to be days when life gets dark, and you will need to know God's love.  God will not be some kind of magic genie that makes all of the dark days better, but He will be your lifeline and friend that will walk with you through those dark days.

Colls, I love you more than I even thought was possible, but amazingly God loves you even more than I do.  Better yet, somehow he loves me that much too!

 Collin, I am so glad you are doing better, and if you need me to make the lessons from your accident even simpler, please never ever forget how much you are loved.