My little Colli Bear is getting big. Now, he takes up most of his crib. When I pick him up, my arm starts to go numb just after a few minutes. His little belly now sticks out from under his 18 month shirts.
Yes, all the signs are there that my baby is getting bigger. I understand that fact. However, in my eyes, Collin might be getting bigger, but he is not growing up. He's still my little baby, my Colli Bear. In my denial, I told Shad a few weeks ago, "Colli's wearing big boy clothes, but he still has that baby face."
As Colli has gotten bigger his hair has gotten longer. I have been complaining for a few months about Collin's hair. As it has grown it looks more like a mullet than the beautiful curls some little boys get. Last Wednesday, I could not take Colli's shabby look any longer. In a quick decision, I "just trimmed the edges."
As soon as I was done, I knew I had made a big mistake. Yes, I gapped his hair up a little, but the real mistake was even bigger. Somehow by cutting his hair, I had taken off my rose colored mommy glasses, and now I could see my baby for what he was...a little boy.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I kept staring at him and thinking, "He's really a little boy. He's REALLY a little boy" Suddenly, I found myself sitting and crying on my bathroom floor. At the lowest point of my meltdown, I picked one of his fallen curls up off the ground and seriously considered reattaching it with duct tape. If only I hadn't cut his hair, I would have never seen the truth. I could have lived in my happy denial.
Eventually, I pulled myself together only to lose it again when Shad said, "He looks so grown up. He's not Colli Bear anymore. Now, he's Mr. Collin."
Soon, I realized that even though he wasn't "a baby" anymore, he was still "my baby." That fact will never change. No matter how big either boy gets or what they accomplish, they will always be my babies.
P.S. I'm still calling him Colli Bear until he tells me to stop...and even then, I'll probably still will.