Blessing #202 - A Father's Love

Pop,

On Sunday, you will be turning 60, and I know you are not looking forward to it very much.  C'mon Dad! It's just a number.  I don't know anyone who had trouble with a birthday.  I definitely don't know anyone who did something crazy just to make turning 30 a little easier.

Okay. Maybe I do know somebody like that. Okay!!! Maybe it's me.

Maybe a fear of birthdays that are multiples of ten is a hereditary thing.

Anyway, I know when I was struggling with 30, I tended to look back and only focus on my missed accomplishments and failures.  In the midst of turning 30, I had a hard time focusing on the good I had done.

As an eye witness to the last half of your life, let me raise my hand and share with you something you got right.

In all my thirty years, never have I ever doubted that you loved me.  You love me not for the things that I do or don't do, but you love me fiercely simply because I am your daughter.

I know that may not sound like a big accomplishment, but trust me, as the one who has had the assurance of your love, it's a big accomplishment.

The older I get the more I've  learned how important your love was for me, and the more women I talk to, the more I realize how lucky I am to have your love and acceptance.

To be honest, I know you didn't have the greatest example to show you love, but as something only God can do, you showed me your love not only in words but in actions my entire life.

Your love and acceptance molded me into the confident and strong woman that I am today.

I could go on, but my words don't seem to do it justice.

Happy 60th birthday Pop! I know you've had many more accomplishments than the one I mentioned, but that one means the most to me.  I love you, but even more importantly, I know you love me.

Love,
Bubba

Blessing #201 - My New Pantry Door

Last week, I took one more step in ridding my house of paneling.  Here is a quick reminder of what my kitchen looked like before...

And now!!!

Seriously! My dark little kitchen is so much lighter! I am so, SoOoOoOo happy with how it turned out!

It took me six weeks to paint my dining room, but I had to get this room done in a week.  Sometimes, when I see a makeover on a blog, my mind fills in the blanks.  I assume the woman worked on the makeover all day, cooked supper, and kept up with all the laundry.

Let me help you fill in the blanks. Last week, I painted the kitchen....and that's it.  I am not super woman. I can't do it all. For one week though, I focused and got this job done, and when it was finished, I took a day to dig out of the disaster that was my house. Now, things are running back in normal order....as normal as it can get around here.

Originally, I planned on painting the walls blue gray.  I spent 40 minutes in Sherwin Williams with two workers helping me pick out just the right shade of blue gray that matched my dining room too.  (Reason #357 that I love Sherwin Williams)

Once I found just the right color, I took it home a sample and painted a big part of the wall, and....I hated it! Hated every bit of it.

I don't know what it is, but I'm just a fan of having neutrals on my walls.  I did find a good use for that blue paint sample, and it is my favorite part of the kitchen.

I just love my blue pantry door.  I originally saw this on The House of Smiths. I spray painted the door handle with my favorite dark bronze paint and roughed up all the edges on the door.  Making the door look a little older really fits the character of this 150 year old house.

The new door even makes my pantry look better.

I still have a few projects to do on another wall, but for today, I just wanted to share my pantry door.  It's amazing what a difference a little paint can make.

Blessing #200 - Spring Mantle

Last week was crazy! I decided to paint my kitchen in one week.  It took me six weeks to paint the dining room so painting a paneled room in one week was quite a feat for me.

Sometime this week, I'll show part of the kitchen redo, and I can't wait. I loOoOoOove it! The hard work is not so bad when you get such a good result.

For today though, I thought I would share my quick spring mantle.

I raided my stash and just combined different elements that I already had to come up with this spring mantle.

 I got the fake plant things at a yard sale for $2 last year.

Since we've moved into the house, this little corner beside the fireplace has stayed the same, but this week I added a little element that I love.

A few weeks ago, a friend was throwing out one of those wooden calendars, and she asked me if I wanted it.  I knew I would do something with it, and immediately said yes.

I planned on remaking the calendar, but I ended up white washing some of the numbers and putting them in my little shadow box.  Each row is one of our birthdays.

I love having our special days on displays, but I really love having numbers incorporated into our living room.

If you know me, you know how much I love numbers and math.  It means a lot to me to have something I thin is beautiful on display at my house....Wait. I realize you are probably saying one of two words right now, "Nerd" or "Crazy," but that's okay, I would have to agree.

 

Blessing #199 - Whole 30 Recap

I finished my whole 30 on Sunday! Woohoo! I survived! I don't know what it is, but I love a challenge.  The whole 30 definitely proved to be a big challenge to me, but I learned so much during my 30 days.

1. Either before or during your whole 30, read the book "It All Starts With Food" which was written by the creators of whole 30.  Some parts are a little scientificy (I realize that's not a word), but it really explained the why's of doing it.

2. Have a go to meal.  A quick and easy meal that you can use on nights when it's busy.

3. The first week is hard, feel like you have the flu hard, but if you power through it, you will learn so much.

4. I kept checking #whole30 on instagram.  It really helps to see pictures from others that are going through the same thing.

5. Make it work for your family.  Most nights, Shad would eat what I ate, but I would usually add a grain for him.  If I ate beef, peppers, and onions, I would make some rice to add to it for him.  The boys usually ate a quesadilla, grilled cheese, or whatever meat we were having.  We decided that for 30 days, this would work for our family.

During my whole 30, Shad really surprised me. He cut the caffeine and sodas way back.  If we had to eat out, he would complain, "This isn't as good as what we've been eating."  I was shocked at how much he liked eating this way with out me ever pressuring him.

6. Pay attention to how you feel.  When you are done with your whole 30, take the time to add back different foods groups one at a time. You never know what you may be allergic or sensitive to.  A year ago, I laughed when my doctor told me to try quitting dairy, and I am now amazed at just how allergic I am to it.  

7. Do what you can.

The whole 30 suggests buying really good, organic meat, and I couldn't afford those meats right now. However, that doesn't mean I can't try whole 30.  Sometimes we look for excuses to stop, but just do what you can.

8. Make a bet with someone.

That dumb bet that I made with Shad really encouraged me when it got tough.  Even though I lost, I'm so glad I did as good as I did.

1. Artificial sweeteners aren't aren't a free pass just because they have no calories. I talked about that here, and it blew my mind!

2. Vegetables are not nasty.

 I really enjoyed trying a new vegetable every week.  I learned that I like avocados, asparagus, and spaghetti squash. What have I been missing out on all these years.

3. I forgot about my dairy allergy during whole 30.

When I first went 100% dairy free, I tried to do some substitute cooking, but I always just end up feeling deprived.  When I cook simply with meat and veggies, I don't feel as deprived. I don't focus on the foods I can't have, but on the foods I can have.

4. I love how pretty my fridge looks filled with fruits and veggies. Aldi was a big help to keep the cost down during my whole 30.

5. This month, I had tons of practice with not emotionally eating.  I am so proud of myself for staying focused while Collin was in the hospital and sticking to the whole 30.  I really believe that is why I didn't get sick with all the stress and no sleep.

6. The biggest lesson I learned is, sugar and I aren't as close of friends as I thought we were.

 Sugar was a beast to get off of because I loOoOoOove sugar. Now that I've added it back some, I see how much it affects me.  During the whole 30, I liked a day without the highs and lows of sugar. Now, I am much more conscious to how much sugar I am eating.


Overall, the whole 30 was a really good, eye opening experience.  I would recommend it to anyone who is struggling with energy and their health.  A year ago, I would have thought this was crazy, but now, I really do believe that many illnesses and problems can be controlled or helped by what we eat.

On Monday, I weighed myself and found out I lost 13 pounds through the whole process. That's not a bad perk, but I'm glad whole 30 has opened my eyes to the fact that food is more than just calories.

Blessing #198 - Healing Up

Thank you so much for your kind words after Thursday's post.  Honestly, it was a rough day for me, and your words and comments meant so much.

One of the things that bothered me about the whole thing was, "How could people be so mean?"

Friday, as I was talking to a friend, I had a moment of clarity. You know an "aha moment" as Oprah would say.

When another mother hears about what happened to Collin, it is very scary to her even though Collin is not her child.  My friends that are mothers, all reacted very strongly when they learned of the accident.  As mothers, when we hear of something sad and scary happening to a child our knee jerk reaction is, "Wow that is sad and scary." Which is immediately followed by the thought, "Could that happen to my child?"

That thought, "Could that happen to my child?" is very scary for a mother.  It is a place where no mother wants to go.

The mothers that don't know me, don't allow themselves to go to that scary place.  Their knee jerk reaction is, "Wow that is sad and scary." Which is immediately followed by the thought, "That mother must be negligent and stupid."  That may sound mean, but by blaming the other mother, they protect themselves.

They think, "Of course, that could not happen to my child.  That was just a "bad mother" and I'm a "good mother" so I wouldn't let it happen. No, my child is safe, and that could never happen."

 By vilifying me, those mothers protect themselves from going to the place of, "Could this happen to my child?"

Does that make sense? It really helped me. As a mathematical person, my brain works step by step.  When I see a problem like, "How can other mothers be so mean," I have to solve it, and this solution works for me.

 That realization made me realize that their anger is not about me at all. They are just trying to protect themselves, and I can understand that.

Shad solution is just, "People say stupid things at stupid times because people are stupid."  Typical man, doesn't he know I have to analyze things!

If Collin's accident happened ten years ago, I would have handled very differently.  I probably would have written a post filled with Christian cliches, and just told myself to be strong because that's what people expect.

However over the past ten years, I have realized the importance of not hiding my feelings or just trying to be tough.  I have to process through things and not just stuff them down. In the long run, anger, fear, and sorrow always catch up to you if you don't deal with them, and they seem to have a way of growing when you don't deal with them.

Sometimes as Christians, we feel the need to be strong or make big displays of our faith in times of crisis.  However, I believe it's okay to be sad. It's okay to say, "This is tough," or "This stinks." If you don't believe me, just read the Psalms.  They are filled with David expressing his true heart to God, and sometimes it's not so pretty.

That's why when I first read the comments, I had no trouble admitting how much they bothered me, and how tough it has been dealing with Collin's accident.

This weekend, after my "aha moment," I could tell I was on the upswing.  My mother load of guilt started to lighten. It's just easier to talk or think about the accident, and my heart seems to be patching up!

Writing really helps me process through things. Thank you for listening. Thank you for not pushing me and giving me time to work through this. You don't know how much y'all have helped me through all this.

Blessing #197 - Whole 30 (week 4)

Tonight, Shad and I went out on a date!  When we went to Chillis, I was a little stressed about exactly what to order. I didn't want to feel deprived as I knew I was going to be watching Shad have bacon and ranch quesadillas which I couldn't eat if I wanted to because of the cheese.

My feelings of deprivation went away when I realized that steak was on the 2 for $20 menu! Happily, I ordered a steak with broccoli, and didn't feel deprived at all. Well, except for this....

Oh! Chips and salsa we meet again.  I ate a few, but then ended up dipping my broccoli in salsa. Which is not nearly as gross as it sounds.

Sundays are very busy days for us, but I still managed to eat good today.  Shad and the boys asked me to make them spinach smoothies this morning. I don't know if they will ask again, but at least they tried them.  I need to find some sweeter versions for them.

Since starting Whole 30, I have become a big fan of Aldi.  Going to that grocery store has made this experiment stay in budget.  I don't have to base my whole week's menu by what fruit and veggie is on sale. Aldi's produce price are usually pretty low.

I love how bright and colorful the inside of my fridge looks on grocery day.

I realize I probably should keep all my produce in the vegetable and fruit drawers, but I like being able to see what I have.  Also, I've been eating things up so produce going bad hasn't really been a problem.

Today, I tried spaghetti squash and I really liked it.  However, the sauce I put on it was gross so it ruined it, but the squash itself was great.  I am going to have to try it again with a better sauce!

I am still not feeling the amazing energy that many other people claim to get on the whole 30! As frustrated as that makes me, I'm trying to be patient.  I have to remember Collin's accident and all the stress that came with it.  I think that totally threw the energy part off.

One thing I have noticed is that although I don't have amazing energy, I don't have highs and lows in my energy.  It stays the same through out the day.  I like not having the sugar crashes.

Today was a rough day emotionally.  After reading the not so nice comments about me, my heart just felt heavy all day.  What bothered me was not so much that the words were about me, but the realization that people could be so mean.  I felt like my world is all gum drop and rainbows, and it just surprised me that people could even say those things.

Anyway, the good news is that as heavy as my heart was, I didn't emotionally eat all day! Normally, bad days called for a trip to Rite Aid for my go to bad day food, a bag of gummy worms followed by a giant Diet Dr. Pepper. After all I deserved it, right?

Shad was so sweet, and tried to cheer me up by offering a trip to Sweet Frog.  I held off yesterday, but we will probably go this weekend.  As much as I love Sweet Frog, I am really trying not to run to food when I'm stressed or down, and this month with the accident, I have had lots of practice!

I am trying to get into my brain that just because I had a bad day does not entitle me to a load of sugar which will just make me feel worse in the end.

I am coming into the home stretch.  It really has gone by so fast! The weight loss part of this experiment is such a nice perk. I don't think I have lost a dramatic amount of weight, but my clothes are fitting better, and that is very encouraging.

Next week, I share some things I have learned through this experience and some advice if you decide you want to try it yourself.

Curse #52 - Reading the Comments

When we become mothers, we somehow find a way to make all our children's problems our fault.

When a child falls and splits her lip on the coffee table (like I did), the mother thinks, "If only I didn't have a coffee table."  (30 years later, and my mom still has not gotten another coffee table.)

When a kid gets a cold, the mother thinks, "If only I had wiped down the buggy at the grocery store."

When a teenager fails a test, the mother thinks, "If only I had breast fed one year instead of six months."

Guilt is just a part of motherhood.

Ever since Collin' accident, I have been working through a mother load of guilt.  As I watched him on the ventilator in the hospital, the "if onlys" screamed in my mind.

If only I didn't go to work that morning.

If only I didn't use the laundry organizer between my washer and dryer.

If only I didn't switch detergent.

If only I had seen the news report about the danger of the pods.

Fortunately, I have some really good friends and a really patient husband that have helped me as I work through this.

After the accident, I contacted our local news in an attempt to get the word out about the pods just to make other mothers aware because I wasn't.  I've been talking with them about doing a story, but to be honest, I'm terrified.

It's one thing to open yourself up to your friends, but it's another thing to open yourself and your mother load of guilt up to the world.

My mom contacted her local news in Georgia, and they ran a quick follow up story as they had done a few of the Tide Pods stories.  I have only watched the story once because it is just too painful for me right now.  You can see the story here.

Once the story was done, I thought that was that, but yesterday someone brought this article to my attention on The Stir which had a link on it to the news story that was picked up by USA Today. 

Look at those stories, but more importantly read the comments.  Today, I made a big mistake and read the comments on both stories.

It's like a train wreck that you just can not not look at.  (I realize that's a double negative.)

With each, "How could she?" and "What was that mother thinking?" my mother load of guilt grew exponentially.  (Note to self: Never, ever read the comments again.)

Often as mothers we are quick to judge.  Maybe by pointing out and judging the faults of other mothers, we feel like a better mother ourselves.

My son had an accident, and I could be eaten alive by the the guilt and the if onlys running through my head, but where does that get me? Guilt accomplishes nothing, and stops me from being the great mother I know I am.

However, there is one "if only" I am listening to.  "If only I had known," and that is why I talk about the accident.  My purpose is not to get Tide to stop making the pods, but to make a mother aware.

I know if I had seen a story about the danger, I would not have bought the pods or brought them into my house. As hard as it is, to open up about the accident and as ugly as the comments can get, I know there are mothers that still don't know about the danger to their children.

Dear fellow mothers, next time you start to judge another mom, please stop and think before you do. Raising children is not a contest.  Let's show each other a little grace.