Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Curse #38 - The Beast

To Collin's future roommate, wife, or anyone that has to deal with him in the morning,

First, let me congratulate you! You are so lucky to have Collin in your life.  He is so sweet, cute, and loving, but of course, I'm a little biased. 

As sweet as my little guy is, I feel it is my responsibility to warn you about..."The Beast." 

The Beast is who Collin becomes if he does not get food within five minutes of waking up. 

He will deceive you.  Collin will seem so sweet and smiley when he wakes up, but take my word if you do not get him food fast enough he turns into a crying, screaming Beast. 

Maybe his blood sugar is low, or maybe he's just really hungry, but for whatever reason the boy needs his food. 

You may think you are being really nice cooking him a big breakfast, but unless you have a snack to hold him over until the breakfast is done, you will pay.  Oh! You will pay. 

He will cry, and follow you everywhere you go (even the bathroom).  When you pick him up and try to hug him, he will just scream louder in your ear. Do not make direct eye contact with the Beast.  It just makes him angrier. 

You will want to fight and say things like, "He can wait," but resistance if futile.  The Beast will win.  Life will go better if you just give him a snack.  Don't think of it as giving up or giving in; just think of it as being smart. 

I've written all of this, just to let you know that you might want to consider keeping some granola bars and juice boxes handy.  You'll be so glad you did, and so will Collin.  

May the Odds be Ever in your Favor,
(A.K.A. Collin's Mom)

Note: Colli Bear, if you are reading this someday, don't use this as an excuse to be cranky or for people to get you snacks. You are a big boy. You can get yourself a snack. Better yet, got get a whisk and spatula and make yourself some scrambled eggs. You need the protein. Love you, Mom

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