Monday, August 27, 2012

Curse #45 - "It's just kindergarten" and other lies

This morning, I will be taking my Brandon to his first day of kindergarten.....his first day of school.  I'm sorry I just had to let that sink into my mind.  I can't believe this day has finally come. 

Oh! There have been some days when I wished this day would come.  The day when he broke almost a dozen eggs in the living room.  The day when he decided to stop taking a nap.  The day when he got into all my makeup and smeared it on the wall.  Yes, all those days, I wished for the day when he would be in school. 

Does that make me a bad mom? Yes, there is part of me that is excited about this day.  Part of me is already planning a giant to do list of all the projects I'm going to do now with all my free time. 

Over the past few weeks, I haven't really thought about how big this day is.  I've told myself, "It's not a big deal.  It's just kindergarten."  However, last night, as I was getting the boys ready for bed this song came on Pandora.  By the time the song was over, you could stick a fork in me because I was done.  I was just a big weepy mess. That song has always been my song for my boys.

Suddenly, I realized, IT'S NOT JUST KINDERGARTEN.  It's just another step of letting go. 

Motherhood is a cruel joke.  God gives us these amazing gifts, but from the very second we get them, we are supposed to be preparing them to leave us.  They are simply on loan.

B and I are entering a new chapter, uncharted territory, so today I just have to take some time to cry for the chapter that we are closing.  The chapter of just he and I together, barely keeping our sanity.

As for Brandon, he is just fine.  He can't wait for school. Last night, he told me, "Mom, if somebody tries to bully me, I'm going to say, 'Hey go pick on someone else.' Mom, I'm more excited than a tick on a june bug." (Sometimes he gets his southern sayings confused.)

This morning, as I drop him off, I will be all smiles, but when I get in the car I'll have a little moment of crying.  No, it's much more than just kindergarten, it's a great reminder of the gift I have in that sweet (often times naughty) little boy. 

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