Two years ago, when I was pregnant with Collin, I came home after a two week trip. After being home just a few minutes, I erupted into tears. This wasn't just a few little tear drops. This was a level five meltdown.
Fearing the pregnancy hormones, Shad hesitantly asked, "Honey, what's wrong?" In between sobs, I cried, "This doesn't feel like home!"
Shad thought I meant that "Maryland" didn't feel like home. Being the smart man he is, he tried to console me thinking I was homesick, but I wasn't. I was upset because this "house" didn't feel like home.
My house felt like the home of someone who still had a pile of unpacked boxes in the basement "just in case we moved."
My house felt like the home of someone who was waiting for her "dream home" to start decorating and enjoying it.
My house felt like the home of someone who had given up just because we were renting.
My house felt like the home of someone who didn't try because we didn't have enough money.
My house felt like the home of someone who was just surviving and not living.
I guess it took a few weeks of being away (and the pregnancy hormones) to make me realize the true state of my house. Now, I realize a pretty house isn't everything, but my house just reflected how I felt on the inside. I was surviving, just holding on until a church called Shad to be pastor. I was living my life on hold, and my house showed it.
Right there, in the middle of that level five meltdown, I decided it was time to change. I wanted to love my house.
Over the month of October, I will be taking a break from calculating my blessings and blogging "31 days to love your home."
I've never done 31 days of blogging before, and I'm not going to lie, I'm nervous. However, I love a challenge, and I can't wait to share my journey to loving my home.
You can check out other 31 Day projects here.
Im looking forward to your 31 days too!! Sounds very interesting and something I have done too....
ReplyDeleteWow I see my thoughts written down in your blog! I will be following you to see how it goes!
ReplyDeleteWhat a great and honest topic. We have moved several times and I can relate on a few levels already. One particular move I had a serious breakdown because the house was terrible, I mean almost condemnable, but I chose to make it a home. You have something wonderful to offer here
ReplyDeletei am going to be following along, i love the idea of this series. i am writing about making changes by strengthening connections.
ReplyDeletehi! i just found you on nester's list! your post describes our situation exactly! my husband is being ordained next month, we are in a rental we thought we would live in for a year... now we've been here 4 (!), but we have still never made it feel like a home, because we every few months, we think we are about to move again!! nesting hormones during my last pregnancy gave me the urge to hang a few pictures on the wall, but that's still as far as i've let myself get. i'm so excited to follow your 31 days!!
ReplyDeleteLaura! You don't know how good it makes me feel to read your comment. When I started picking my topic, I thought, "No one else has felt this way." I completely understand the "every few months we think we are about to move" feeling. It was an absolute roller coaster the first two years. I'm so glad you are following. You made my day.
ReplyDeletelove your idea
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