Around this time of year, thanks to my good friend Mr. Pollen, my allergies start acting up, and I start sneezing. This wouldn't be so bad if my parents had taken the time to teach me how to sneeze, but for some reason they thought that would come naturally.
I have a very unique, multiple machine gun style sneeze, that sounds like I'm having some kind of fit. It started when I was a toddler. I'm sure my parents thought, "That's cute, but she'll probably grow out of it." Well, 20 plus years later and I never grew out of it, and it's not cute anymore.
When I first started dating Shad, my friends asked me, "Has he heard you sneeze yet?" I knew it would come up at some point, but I forgot to mention it to him. Then one day, we were studying in the library (that's right a nice quiet library) when I had a sneezing fit. When I finished, I looked up to see Shad looking at me, totally stunned, and then I said a line I've said hundreds of times in my life, "Oh, by the way, I sneeze weird." Surprisingly, he did not run out the door, and married me anyway.
Once, in eighth grade, a substitute threatened to kick me out of class when he thought I was faking my sneeze to draw attention to myself. Just a few weeks ago, I had a sneezing fit while I was substituting in an eighth grade math class. When I finished, the kids looked frightened, but I just looked up and said, "Oh, by the way, I sneeze weird." So I guess in that instance my sneeze came full circle.
One of my favorite Bible stories is when Elisha raised the Shudamite woman's son from the dead. The Bible says the boy opened his eyes and sneezed seven times. The Bible doesn't say this, but I totally know what happened next. I think the boy looked at Elisha and said, "Oh, by the way, I sneeze weird."