Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Blessing #46- The Meltdown

I knew it was going to happen. I called it in Blessing #28 {shedding}. I said, "This may be petty to some, but at some point I will end up in tears over this issue." Well, yesterday was the day of reckoning, and I had...the meltdown.

The shedding hasn't stopped, and I am definitely seeing it affects in my bangs and other thinning spots over my head. So I thought if I got my hair cut maybe that would help out. I always have unrealistic expectations. I seriously thought if I just cut my hair, it would magically spring back to life, and it would look like the Pantene commercials. (Cursed Pantene commercials!)

Shockingly, that didn't happen. It wasn't the stylist's fault. He really couldn't do much with my hair. The stylist only cut of the dead ends, and when the cut was done, my hair still looked and felt the same.

After seeing my still thin hair in the mirror looking nothing like the Pantene commercials (Cursed Pantene commercials!), I could feel it creeping up on me. It was that lump in my throat, that knot in my stomach. I salvaged my pride and made it out to the car before it happened...the meltdown.

I've always been a not-so-emotional, glass half full kind of girl, but sometimes about every three months or so, I have a meltdown. It could be about anything, but it follows a similar pattern.

Stage 1: Feeling like an idiot for even getting upset about such a petty issue.
Really, who gets this upset over their hair. Am I really that shallow?

Stage 2: Thinking of people that have it worse than you.
There are so many people with problems soOoOo much worse than their hair. Even the pelican from last years Gulf oil spill has it worse than I do.

Stage 3: Ugly crying.
Enough said.

Stage 4: Calling spouse on the phone.
This is a volatile stage in which things can go terribly wrong. Fortunately, after 8 years of marriage, Shad has learned how to deal with me in these situations. Here is my guess at what he was thinking yesterday when I called him.

Red alert! Red alert! This is a stage four meltdown. This is not a drill. Repeat this is not a drill. Be advised: Do not say lines like, "It's just hair," or she will turn on you. Remember the "I don't have anything to wear" meltdown, and how it blew up in your face. Why does she keep mentioning Pantene commercials? Just say what we've practiced,the magic lines..."Uh huh....Really.....I'm so sorry honey....Uh huh....Really....I'm so sorry
honey....Uh huh.... Really.....I'm so sorry honey."

Stage 5: Drying up the tears, and readjusting focus.
After twenty minutes, I usually start feeling better and then I think of a verse or quote that helps me.

Stage 6: Plan of attack.
In the last stage of the meltdown, I start looking at ways to fix my problem, or making it easier on myself.

That was yesterday, but today I'm calculating my meltdown as a blessing. One thing I have learned about myself in the last five years is when I try to just toughen up and overlook my feelings they always come back and bite me on the rear end. Always! So as silly as I feel having a meltdown, it helps me process through some tough or even silly feelings that get me down. It may seem weak to some, but I know that in the long run, I'll be better because of...the meltdown.

Oh, and just in case you were wondering....

Still worth it!


  1. Thank you for being so honest. Very good post. I am so sorry Stephanie...
    I am so sorry Stephanie.... I am so sorry... Love dad.

  2. Hey, Steph. Maybe you should have your thyroid checked. When it is low, hair does fall out in patches, and it thins all over.

  3. Been there! Done that! Ain't no fun! But a good meltdown cry does help for sure in many situations so you're on the right trail. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry!!! Love Mom

  4. calculatingblessingsApril 20, 2011 at 2:51 PM

    The same exact thing happened after Brandon was born and I had the thyroid checked and it wasn't that.