“Hey Mommy, watch this,” is the Russian roulette of a four year old boy’s phrases. You never know what you will turn around and find. Sometimes I’ll turn around to find B doing something really cute. Other times I’ll turn around to see him doing something new he has learned. Sometimes I'll turn to see something gross he has found. However, most of the time I turn around to find him about to do something dangerous. Today’s “Hey Mommy, watch this,” moment came while we were cleaning the guest house. I turned around to see B sucking up his cheek into the dust buster. He then tried to suck up his tongue, but I stopped him.
Why does he do this? After much thought I think I have found an answer. I’m not a psychologist, but I’ve noticed when males do something dangerous they HAVE to have an audience. Don’t believe me? Look at all the stunt shows, Evil Knievel, and the X games. When the male species tries something dangerous, they have to have an audience to prove it.
For now, at least until he discovers You Tube, I am the only audience B has for all of his stunts. Soon though, “Hey Mommy, watch this,” will become, “Hey Ya’ll, watch this!” See, a boy’s friends make a much better audience than his Mommy. After the dangerous stunt, his friends will give him high fives and say things like, “That was awesome man!” In contrast, after a dangerous stunt, Mommy’s eyes bug out and she says things like, “Do you know how much the last trip to the emergency room cost us.”
So for now, when I hear, “Hey Mommy, watch this,” I’ll take a deep breath, say a prayer that it’s something cute, and turn around. For now, I’m happy to be his audience of one.