Monday, January 24, 2011

Blessing #25- Barbque


On Saturdate with Southern Plate, I mentioned that my dad was a bbq connoisseur. Growing up, he took our family to so many bbq places that we became experts by default. I know the difference between South Carolina and Georgia bbq sauce. I can tell you what state a bowl of Brunswick stew came from just by looking at it.
After marrying into the family, Shad has even developed a love of bbq. That’s a long way from where he first started when he considered an Arby’s roast beef sandwich to be bbq.{blasphemy!}

I realize that not everyone had the same upbringing that I had. Some may see a rough bbq joint and be afraid to eat there. So to help, I (with the help of my expert dad) have developed the Piggo score. Just like the FICO score shows credit risk, the Piggo score show’s the risk of a bbq place not being good. Use it to find out if you should eat at a bbq restaurant.


The Piggo Score Test
Outside
1. If the name of the bbq place is one syllable (don‘t include the word bbq), give it 3 points.
If it’s two syllables, give it 2 points.
If it’s three syllables, give it 1 points.

2. If the name is in the possessive form, like Zeb’s or Huck’s, add 2 points. (Be nervous about any bbq cook that is afraid to put their name on their bbq.)

3. If the person the place is named after is no longer alive, add 2 points. (I know that sounds morbid, but that shows longevity.)

4. If you can see the interstate from the parking lot, subtract 1 point

5. If the parking lot is unpaved, add 1 point.

6. If most of the car tags in the parking lot are local tags. add 1 point.

7. If the sign has pigs on it, add 1 point.

8. If the sign is pink, add 1 point.

9. If this place is one of a kind, not a chain, add 1 point.

Atmosphere10. If the all the artwork on the walls is of pigs or the local college football team add 1 point.

11. If they sell their own t-shirts add 1 point.

12. If they only accept cash, add 1 point.

13. If the tv is showing Andy Griffeth episodes and or Nascar, add 1 point.

14. If the entire menu fits on the front of a piece of paper, add 1 point. (Good bbq places only stick to a few items.)

15. If the door to the bathroom is actually a door to the outside, add 1 point.

Food16. If there is loaf bread on the table add 1 points.

17. If that bread is Sunbeam bread add 1 point.

18. If they bring you a bag of plain potato chips with your meal add 1 point.

19. If there are potatoes in the Brunswick stew subtract 2 points (Unless you are in North Carolina or Alabama because that is considered normal there. )

20. If they give free refills on stew, add 1 point.

ResultsIf the piggo score is between 14 to 20 points, go on in! It may look rough, but the bbq will be delicious.

If the piggo score is between 7 to 13 points, proceed with caution. This restaurant is a gamble. The bbq might not be bad, but it won't be memorable.

If the piggo score is between 0 to 6 points RUN AWAY! It is probably a chain restaurant. BBQ is an art and cannot be mass produced. You are better off eating chicken nuggets with bbq sauce at McDonald's.


***My dad placed a condition on his helping me. If you know of any good bbq places, please leave them in the comments. He loves to know where good places are when he travels.

10 comments:

  1. I have taught you well grasshopper #1

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  2. I meant, I have taught you well grasshopper #3, which is #1 in my heart, Earnhart forever.

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  3. I would like to add one more thing for any yankee readers. BBQ is not a verb! Click on or copy and paste this link for futher details.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ubTQfr_tyY

    Also, in our family there are some disputes on which BBQ joint is the best. I prefer a vinegar based sauce while others prefer somthing different. However, I must say by my PIGGO calculations, Zeb's is still the best. A lot better than that place that dad (#3) thinks thats better. If I can remember Zeb's has a picture of #3 on the wall and that other joint which I shall not name doesn't! Long live Zeb's!

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  4. LOL! I am sending this test to my uncle who is a lot like your dad! Thanks for sharing!

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  5. We have traveled 3 hrs before just to eat BBQ!!
    (Big Bob Gibson's, Decatur, Ala.)

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  6. Chad, the piggo score had to be based on the standard of perfection...Zeb's.

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  7. It is a 3 to 1 score in our family for Zeb's. #3 likes that other place which is ok. But us other three like Zeb's so it's official. Zeb's is the best!!! #3s#1

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  8. Hey Cuz,
    I love the Piggo Score test. I can't deny that Zeb's is good eatin'. I remember when we were in Commerce one summer & the first thing Chad wanted to do when they got into town was go get some Brunswick Stew. Good memories. The first thing I want when I get to Commerce is a biscuit from Commerce Country Cafe (Wi's place)
    They are the best; Unbeatable. I would drive to Commerce just for a Wi Biscuit. Can I get a witness?

    p.s. Your blog is the greatest! A must read for everyone. Real, practical & very funny.

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  9. I am NC transplant from Missouri, so I like the KC and Memphis style bbq. But here in NC, they prefer the vinegar based. If you like that sort of bbq, Ralph's BBQ in Weldon, NC is the best!

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