Monday, March 21, 2011

Curse #13- The Ticking Time Bomb Mouth

Soon after anyone meets Brandon, they all say the same thing, "Wow, he's a talker!" Now I could make it sound fancy and say, "He's very verbal, or he has an extensive vocabulary," but the plain and simple version is, he's a talker. Poor guy, he gets his talkativeness from Shad and from me.

Most of the time he talks about tractors, trains, or anything with wheels, but it's those moments that he goes off subject that make me nervous. One thing about having a talker for a child is his mouth is like a ticking time bomb. I never know when it is going to go off. Here are a few examples of times when his "time bomb" mouth went off in the past few months.

1. Shad's family surprised his mom for her birthday. They got together for a normal family dinner, and afterwards surprised her with cake and presents. All day before the party, I drilled Brandon, "Don't tell Mom-mom happy birthday until Pop-pop tells her. It's a surprise." We showed up and Brandon didn't make a peep about the surprise. During dinner, I had to leave the room to get Collin a bottle. As soon as I was out of sight Brandon looked at Shad's mom and said,"Mom-mom, I'm not going to tell you happy birthday because it's a surprise. It's a surprise!"

2. After a long day of substitute teaching, I picked Brandon up from kindergarden.As Brandon was leaving, the teacher asked him to throw away his sucker stick and he said, "I'm smoking." He had never...ever said this before, but he'd seen the commercial of the fake cigarette that helps people quit smoking, and chose this moment to demonstrate smoking.

Now, I have debated whether or not to include this next moment, but I believe 97% of the people that read my blog are women. The other 3% is my dad, so wait a minute while I take care of him.

Dad...Dad...Trust me. You are going to want to stop reading right here.

Love you!

Have a great day!

I'll call you later.

Okay, now that he's gone I'll finish the post.

3. The other night, Shad and I were having dinner with friends. As I was feeding Collin a bottle, Brandon stood beside me and said, "He doesn't eat food. He only drinks bottles, and Mommy's milk," and if that wasn't clear enough, he started pointing, and I'll just let you guess what he was pointing at. Oh, but there was more to his sentence. At that same moment, a woman sat down behind us that had either broken her nose or had a nose job because her nose was bruised and bandaged. Here was Brandon's full sentence, "He doesn't eat food. He only blah blah blah. Oh, that's gotta hurt!" and if that wasn't clear enough he grabbed his nose. In one sentence, Brandon managed to make everyone feel awkward, except himself.

His mouth is a ticking time bomb, and I'm always waiting for that next explosion. I may not know when it's going to go off, but I can guarantee it will be embarrassing and hilarious all at the same time.


  1. Love the post. But my little grandson would never say anything that was not appropriate!!! HaHa LOve #3s#1 Your dad will be glad for the warning.

  2. I read it too, so that should raise the male percentage.

  3. calculatingblessingsMarch 24, 2011 at 7:09 AM

    Yeah! 6% it is. Next time, I'll warn you too!